The magnificent Maleficent spin machine

Now that I’ve seen “Maleficent,” I feel duped. The film’s previews, with a haunting remake of “Once Upon a Dream” and Angelina Jolie with cheekbones protruding as high as her s-shaped horns, hinted at a retelling of “Sleeping Beauty” grounded in the Dark Side.

But Disney, for reasons I imagine had to do with keeping “Maleficent” firmly PG, veered away from its own 1959 animated classic in such subtle but important ways that the new film comes across as an unbelievably spun rewrite of the original. It’s as if 55 years later, the heirs to Maleficent’s estate have found someone in Hollywood to tell her story. Or “the truth” as the movie trailers want us to think.

What makes this so terrible is that Maleficent’s evil was the thing that made her most deserving of her own movie. This new film starts slow and lollygags around the middle, but Jolie and some well-done dramatic scenes make it not a complete waste.

Granted the story of Sleeping Beauty goes back centuries and there are any number of versions. But when Disney reworks its own classic and changes things on us, it’s fun to wonder where the truth lies. There’s that saying that the truth lies somewhere in the middle. A movie that felt more like the middle was what I hoped to get from “Maleficent.”

Here’s my list of the most annoying inconsistencies between “Sleeping Beauty” and “Maleficent.” I’ve not seen the older film in probably 20 years, but have used Wikipedia to confirm my memory where needed. In each case you can imagine Maleficent’s pr team attempting to set the record straight with their own version of events. (WARNING: Spoilers ahead.)

• The name of Maleficent’s pet raven changes from Diablo, Spanish for “devil,” to Diaval, a name that as far as I can tell comes from nowhere.
• It’s not she who turns into a dragon at the end, it’s Diaval, her shape-shifting familiar. While I liked the new backstory to the original’s snooping raven, the  dragon transformation was the coolest and most evil aspect of Maleficent’s character. So of course it was taken out.
• Maleficent doesn’t die! She lives — I’m fucking not kidding — happily ever after alongside Princess Aurora and Prince Philip. They couldn’t try to give her some depth, some heart, and then make us feel some some sorrow when she loses her last battle.
• The curse. This one bothers me the most. Now Maleficent doesn’t doom Aurora to prick her finger AND DIE, like I vividly recall happening during my childhood, but instead to fall asleep and wait for a kiss. In the older movie, one of the fairies who hadn’t yet bestowed her gift on the baby Aurora was able to weaken Maleficent’s deadly curse. Now what does that fairy give Aurora instead? We don’t know, because it’s not shown. That’s a major hole and a clue to me that this new version maybe isn’t the most reliable.

Reviews of “Maleficent” are mixed but it’s no surprise the film’s already a success. It’s just a shame that all her evil was washed away. Well, everything except her name, which the movie makes clear was her name from birth. It’s too bad that name has now lost some of its meaning.

A one-marathon runner reflects on Boston

As I prepare to go to bed here in California, I just finished looking at the latest photos and news updates coming out of Boston. It’s eerie seeing the symbols of a foot race — the banners, the shoes, the water bottles — scattered and bloody. And it’s sad to read about how a joyous day turned into chaos for the runners and loved ones who came to cheer them on.

I’ve been there once, at the end of a marathon. Last May I ran my first in Michigan. The pride and community I felt after finishing was heightened by my enthusiastic family members who’d drive up from southern Indiana for the weekend just to catch a few glances of me running and then hug me at the very end. It was easily one of the best moment of my life in the past few years, and a moment the thousands of runners in Boston should have also experienced.

As a very dedicated runner once told me, you’ll never find a greater group of people than runners about to start a race. As some in my family can confirm after watching me run, big races bring out big crowds of the friendliest most goal-oriented people you could ever meet. This has to be even more true at a race like the Boston Marathon, distance running’s signature event.

Nine hours or so after the bombs went off in Boston, we still don’t know who was responsible. Maybe we’ll have some answers in the morning. Right now I need to pull myself away for the news stream on Twitter and go to bed. I’m running a race on Saturday. It’s only seven miles, but throughout it, I’ll be thinking about my marathon, my next one and Boston.

In Delaware: ‘The lies behind diploma mills’

I’ll just highlight this one section from a story from Wilmington’s News Journal about the head of a charter school who touted a doctorate from a seemingly fly-by-night online diploma mill:

A News Journal employee was offered a Ph.D. in organizational leadership from Westfield University, Central Western University Texas (centralwestern-edu.org) or Liberty International University (libertyedu.org/index.html) after he truthfully stated the life and work experiences he’s had as a 25-year-old.

Less than 15 hours after sending a few sentences about his life, a note arrived in his work email account from an academic counselor at college-degree-fast.com saying he was approved to obtain a Ph.D.. He was told he would need to pay to receive a degree and transcripts.

“Your requested degree choice Doctor of Philosophy (Ph.D.) in Organizational Leadership has been approved,” said the email.

Note the strange edu.org email addresses for both universities, another subtle indication that these schools aren’t on the same level as, say, the online University of Phoenix. The article raises many questionable decisions by the school head and others, but it saves maybe the strangest for the end.

Five rules for the Horrocks coffee bar

Approach with caution

We all love the free coffee at Horrocks, but it’s been clear to me for a while that not everyone understands the importance of efficient self-service. After all, we’re dealing with limited counter space in a grocery store that gets pretty busy on a Saturday afternoon. And so here are my recommended rules for the Horrocks coffee bar. Please distribute widely.

1. If you can’t pick a flavor in four seconds, go with the house blend.  No one needs to hear you trying to decide between doodle dandy and mocha mint. The house blend: it’s simple, it’s good, just drink it and be happy.

2. Get your shopping cart out of the way! A single shopping cart can cut off access to half of the counter. If you’re using a cart, please leave it a few feet away while you pour your coffee. Trust me, no one is going to steal your bag of Michigan Honeycrisp apples.

3. Cup, coffee, sweeteners, stir. That’s the basic process.* If that takes you more than, say, 40 seconds, reassess your movements before your next attempt. Notice I didn’t say “repeat until coffee has the same milk and sugar content as a bowl of Froot Loops.”

*I hesitate to mention the one exception to this rule because it really goes against accepted coffee protocol.  However, you can in some light-traffic situations, add cream and sugar before pouring your coffee. Do this in a crowd and you become a salmon swimming up steam.

4. Clean up after yourself. I can’t believe this even has to be written out. Napkins are put there for a reason.

5. If it’s busy, come back later. There’s no need to wait around and create extra congestion. If there’s a line forming or if the coffee’s run dry, check back later or forgo the free coffee this one time. The coffee bar will still be there after you pick over the cheese samples, and it will still be there the next time you head to Horrocks.

HAPPY DRINKING!

A belated marathon report

This post is almost a month late, but I did finish the Kalamazoo Marathon on May 6. Official time: 4:05:01. Back in January when I started training, I hoped to finish in under four hours, but after missing some training late in the game, I decided to relax that goal. On race day, I felt like 4:10 was within my reach, and I was happy to stay at or ahead of the four-hour pace group for much of my run. Alas, I started falling behind toward the end, but I ended the race uninjured and feeling strong.

When I started training for a full marathon, everyone told me how grueling it would be. Since I’d done half marathons before, my mind was focused on the new 26.2 mile distance, and that’s what I thought everyone was warning me about. But it’s really the training and preparation that can easily do you in. I missed lots of training days in the last month and several of my long runs didn’t go well. I think I managed just one run over 20 miles, and looking  back, I think not doing more really hurt me on race day.

Since I’m not good at pacing myself, my strategy for the race was to start slow and then speed up to a comfortable cruising speed. I stayed wit the 4:15 pace group for the first two miles and then took a couple more miles to catch up with the 4:00 group. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to keep up with the pace, but I wanted to take  advantage of my early energy. Around mile 9 I got ahead of the group (probably by no more than a few minutes), and I stayed ahead of them until about mile 20. Then at 22 I had to stop and cool myself off with a bottle of water. I’d been reluctant to slow down, but I could feel my body starting to overheat. The break rejuvenated me but it was impossible to make up the lost time.

I’ve thought about whether going too fast in the middle section forced me to need that walking break and cost me precious minutes. My guess is that it probably didn’t, and it may have even helped. Had I not been trying to stay ahead of the pace group, I think I would have fallen behind soon and possibly ended even later than 4:05.

One lesson is that I drank way more water than I expected. I grabbed cups at all the water stations and took two full bottles of water along the course. Had I not had those extra bottles, I don’t think I would have been able to push myself as far as I did. So thank you to whoever passed those out. Also thanks to the girl scout passing out cookies at mile 16.

And thanks to my mom, sister and two aunts who drove from Indiana to cheer me on. I wasn’t thrilled about having to entertain family the same weekend as my first marathon, but it turned out to be a huge help. I didn’t have to drive to the race, or worry about driving myself home afterward. They cheered me on at two spots along the course and at the finish line. And it meant I got some amazing photos of a wonderful race.